My father was a tyrant who was often scary and sometimes violent. I learned very early on to keep my head low and reduce my visibility. I was in my 20’s before I “talked back” to him. My early experiences gave me a visceral sense of the importance of power and the social conditions which we co-create.
Probably the main diversity conflict concerns who has more power and inclusion and who has less. A common form of this dynamic involves mainstream and marginal roles. These parts and their relationship play a vital role in most social contexts: families, teams, organizations, communities or the larger society. Holding, understanding and facilitating the roles of mainstream and marginal is a key ability if we seek healthy, sustainable and more deeply democratic systems.
Current Social Factors and Context
In the US, the Black Lives Matter movement is a direct result of Black lives apparently not mattering as many unarmed Black men and women have been killed by police in often videotaped incidents. Here, race is a factor that can make almost any act a dangerous endeavor, as “driving,” “walking,” or even “sleeping” while Black incurs threats to the safety of Blacks while engaging in what should be an innocuous activity.#MeToo has been incredibly successful at heightening awareness of the prevalence of sexual harassment and assault. In the movie industry, politics, military, sports, academic institutions, workplace and within families, women are routinely sexually harassed and worse.
#MeToo is of course also happening within the same time frame of the US electing a President who was recorded boasting about grabbing women’s genitals. As one expression of “mainstream” and male power, Trump announced in this recorded moment that he could do anything he liked to women.
Mainstream and Marginal Issues and Conflicts
Mainstream and marginal are often in at least implicit conflict for a variety of reasons. Who gets to live in relative safety, receive better treatment by police and the justice system, and have greater access to opportunities? In groups of all kinds, decision making and who has more and less voice and the reasons that underlie the disparity are vital questions. Connection and communication between mainstream and marginal groups are often limited as unresolved equity, rank and inclusion issues impact the nature of the relationship and any interaction. What does it mean when a common interaction between one who has more and one who has less power is abusive or deadly?
Our Awareness of Mainstream and Marginal Helps Resolve Conflict
Conflict between mainstream and marginal may be subtle or extreme, short or long-term, territorial or philosophical, legal or informal. That said,here are some ideas and examples that suggest how conflict work may result in a greater sense of community.
If we might be “mainstream,” recognize the advantages, rank, voice and relative acceptance or support we might have. I say, “If we might be ‘mainstream’” as mainstream members don’t always recognize their status. The rank that we hold and our awareness of it, in any conflict, is crucial to how the conflict may unfold and resolve; rank, unconsciously expressed, including the rank of being relatively “mainstream” can be an escalating act of conflict by itself. Recognizing one’s mainstream status and any benefits and powers that come with it can be an important step towards resolving conflict between the parts. Furthermore, “mainstream” people, as a main conflict resolution practice, need to use their rank and position in service of listening to marginalized people, including them and sharing power.
For example, I bristle when people don’t bother sharing a sidewalk and give space for me or my partner to have space. Men, in a common expression of their relative ease in taking up space will often speak frequently and at length in meetings. And this is me as well!
If we might be “marginal,” recognize that we may have some rank, even if it’s not structural or social power. Know that being marginal, especially chronically, often means not believing or valuing ourselves, and may lead to second guessing our perceptions, point of view, or even the validity ofour existence. “Minority psychology,” as coined by Arnold Mindell, is a state of mind born of being looked down upon, forgotten, and devalued; it may include chronic self-doubt or self-criticism, indirect or indecisive communication and low self-esteem. This state of mind often makes it harder to have a voice and ideas that are clear, potent and assertive on the one hand or on the other to have powerfully emotional communication or reactions that may be judged by others. By definition, marginalized people hold perspectives, ideas and contributions that haven’t been recognized by the larger system; knowing this, the marginal individual or group may be especially motivated to speak out. That is, marginalized people may benefit from knowing that there is a good chance that we have vital views, gifts and experiences that haven’t been adequately received before. As a general practice and idea, marginal people and groups need to stand up for ourselves, own our identity, express ourselves deeply and be listened to. Without this, many conflicts will cycle as those who’ve been pushed to the margins seek a voice and place in the world.
With the resolution of mainstream and marginal conflicts in mind, one idea to hold is that many people seem to have both parts inside of us. If we consider context, we might find that in one setting we are relatively marginal and in another pretty mainstream. Knowing the rank and privileges of being mainstream as well as the difficulties and struggles of being marginal is a potent understanding if we are to reconcile the tensions, inequities and separation that accompany these parts.
Some years ago I facilitated a public open forum on the subject of youth in the city. Youth activists, city mayor, police, school officials, non-profit agencies, and citizens attended and began to explore issues that concerned them. In one critical exchange a youth activist invited police to come to his neighborhood but only on the condition that the officer wouldn’t wear his uniform. Here, the “marginal” one was saying to the “mainstream” one, don’t bring your symbol of brutality here if you want to talk to us, be yourself. This expression from the youth activist was, in my view, a potent expression of his personal power and directly addressed the need to level the playing field between mainstream and marginal if dialogue is to occur. You can see the exchange here, starting at about the 3:55 second mark: https://youtu.be/SNT_VGovYr4
Role Switching and Conflict Resolution
If we are in touch, to some degree, with these two parts, it makes it easier to “switch roles” in conflict situations to then see things from the other side. Role switching is probably one of the most potent conflict resolution practices because with it we have the potential to see things, at least partly, from the other’s point of view.
In any conflict it’s easy to polarize ourselves in relation to another party or group that seems quite different from ourselves. Polarities may represent disparate perspectives, needs, interests, values or feelings. And standing up for our own side of things is often integral to processing issues andconflicts. We need to get information on the table and polarized discussions may be necessary as part of a larger process. Frequently, parties don’t stand up fully enough for their own interests and point of view and will often suffer for these lapses afterwards.
Once different sides have fully expressed themselves, they will often find themselves at an impasse. Hopefully through the expression of sides there will be some greater understanding but that doesn’t always occur. Here, role switching may be the opening to greater understanding as at least one side, in some way and to some degree, “gets into the shoes” of the other. Due to the rank differences inherent in mainstream and marginal conflict, it seems most effective if the higher ranking mainstream side switches roles and gets some greater understanding of the marginal perspective and experience. But the marginal side might also switch roles and gain more understanding and empathy of the mainstream role. Though the marginal one holds lesser structural rank, if we consider other forms of rank such as psychological or spiritual ones, the greater power might be held outside of the mainstream. For example, in a given conflict, eldership may be needed to resolve the issue and this potent role can be held by anyone, marginal or mainstream. As I pointed out in the last chapter, “consensus reality” may hypnotize us to see the “mainstream” as the only one holding power and makes it harder to see how power may be held or expressed by anyone, even a child or by the most marginal person. Think of times when the other one held the power but perhaps we had the greater awareness of the issue at hand or the relationship dynamic.
Awareness is a power that can change everything but isn’t always seen as the force that it is.
I once participated in a workshop conducted for two war-torn groups who came together to find reconciliation. After three days they were at an impasse as both sides were essentially saying, “You have killed my people. We are the ones who have been hurt.” Then, a young girl who had been quietly drawing pictures in the back of the room spoke up. She spoke about visiting a family member who had been detained by the other group and saw that he had been tortured. Reliving this memory, she began to sob and moved the entire group to tears. Her pain became the group’s pain for a few moments and united the group. What helped? For the depth of her expression she also didn’t seem to blame the other group. Also, though the group was talking about very painful incidents, she actually brought the experience of the pain into the room. Lastly, she was an elder of sorts for the group as seeing how they were stuck was able to provide the needed wisdom and experience.
The Mind of God and Conflict
If we consider “the mind of god,” what is this one’s goal with conflict? My best guess is that this one wants to awaken to its diverse nature through the conflict. That is, by overseeing or even participating in the tensions and differences, some part of us knows more about life. I now know more about me and more about you. And with and through this conflict and awakening process, there becomes a greater community. If it’s true that wehave access to “the mind of god,” then it may very well be our deepest power.